Great song... :D brings great memories of spring 2010 :D
Friday, May 14, 2010
What Really Grinds My Gears
Yeah Yeah Yeah!!!!
you are probably reading this post... especially the title and going "DJ PONY COME ON DO SOMETHING BETTER THAN THIS... BEEN THERE DONE THAT" and i understand. I know that family guy has included various episodes of Peter on the news with his special "what really grinds my gear". But come on, everyone has that little thing that pisses everyone else off. However ur friends might be little bitches and not tell you hahahah... so here it is.., not necessary towards any people BUT EVERYONE in society who pisses ME OFF... which if you ask the Korean (MY HOMESLICE) will agree, THATS EVERYONE :P...
SO starting off
1. GODDAMMIT, PEOPLE WHO WHERE SANDALS AND DRAG THEIR FUCKEN FEET WHEN THEY WALK... I ask you as a favor to Humanity... PICK YOUR DAMN FEET UP... sometimes i get flashbacks of when my ancestors, the Aztecs, roamed this earth and how the Spaniards burnt Cuauhtémoc's (AZTEC KING) feet as torture... WELL I WANT TO DO THE SAME SHIT TO YOU (YEA THAT YOU WHO DRAGS THEM FEET!!!!) :D muahaha!!! :D
Monday, February 1, 2010
Partying with Dragon Lady (Gran Torino Status)
This story takes place from about 2am to possibly 430am. Time wise I cannot be certain for when the Little Korean is WASTED... she becomes very difficult to walk home (muahahha.... YEA YEA YEA KOREAN, ITS MY BLOG, MY STORY MY PERSPECTIVE AND SO THIS IS HOW IT WENT DOWN :)) muahaha...
Back to the story, it was a chilli Thursday night... Korean and I had just finished serving food at the well known and respected Country Club she and I work at.
Anywho... i had gotten mass texts of a DANK (your thinking to yourself, "since when does DJ Pony use such jargon" well let me tell you young grasshopper... about a sentence ago) party.
Back to the Dankness, the party was at the fraternity that I frequent, it would begin at 10.30 end at 2am and would have lots of "Liquid Courage", men, women, alcoholics, dancers, and midgets. :)
So while still at work, I look at the Korean and say "Hey Korean, wanna party tonight" and the Korean responds "YEE, lets get CRRAZZYY" and I is like "HELL TO THE SI"
after cleaning the stuff used for the event at the Country club... the Korean and I make our way to la FIESTA... As we make our way into the house.. i am surprised to see a "hella" number of people. There is, as i previously wrote, and i quote (yea imma quote myself and wat!) "Men, women, alcoholics, dancers and surprisingly there was a midget" .... (jk no little person, they scare me :( childhood trama ill write about it in another blog) anywho... as I am walking up to the second floor EL PRESIDENTE HIMSELF (at the time-actually i think he still is muahah) tells me i will be taking over the bar shift.. I nod and make my way to the barroom. There i begin to hand out drinks, the korean says shell be back, she wanted to check out the scene, Im like "aight"
10 minutes later she returns and is like "PONY MAN lets take Shots"... This is where the situation gets iffy... i recall telling le KOrean.... "naw man we shouldnt... its bad for your health, more so there is school the next day and we still have to walk home" however she was like "NAW MAN WE TAKING 3..." somehow she convinced me and by the time i realize its 2am in the morning I am in the WALKEN of the fraternity stealing eggs...(4 to be exact) i put them in my pocket of my jacket walk out to where LE korean is waiting for me and we both make to the door to walk home.
As we step out, the first think she says ( and take into consideration we probably walked like 5 feet donw the street) WE HAVE BEEN WALKING FOREVER! im like SHhhhh and we continue to walk down the street... by the time we reach College and Channing, she is for some reason pulling on my jacket and yelling "WEVE BEEN WALKING FOREVER!!!" and Im like "CHill I GOT EGGS IN MY POCKET" she gives me this confused (although i think its mostly a really really drunk look) so i put my hand in my jacket and pull out 2 eggs... she then goes "WHY!!!!!!!" and slaps my freakin hand... because I am also under the influence my reaction is slow so she hits my hand and i drop one EGG on the floor...splat... it laid in the middle of the sidewalk... sad i go "GOOD ONE!" and for the next 2 blocks she continues to ask "WAT R THE EGGS FOR, WHERE DID I GET THEM, and CALLS ME a WEIRD" and while doing so she is looking through her purse for something...
SHE THEN DISCOVERS SOMETHING HORRIBLE... DAMN kOREAN missplaced her celly... and begins to wine "AAAAAHHH we GOTTA GO BACk.. I NEED MY CELLY" WAH WAH WAH as we turn around all of a sudden there is this BIG guy... and i mean BIG dude trying to beat up a bum... BUT I MEAN BIG!!!! and the bum was small...
so being the good citizen that I am I dial 911 and I state my name location and situation... and make our way back down college...
Shes tripping about her celly and asks to borrow my blueberry... (YEA THATS RIGHT I HAVE A BLUEBERRY) so I do and she begins to dial her number. at this point I am maybe like 5 to 10 feet ahead of her, looking around making sure if i see the celly... when all of a sudden i hear a noise... kind of like a BLUEBERRY HITTING THE GROUND. I turn around and i see my blueberry (Screen lit and everything) hit the floor, bounce up, hit the floor again and bounce about 2 times more... I am like "YO!!! IS THAT MY PHONE YOU JUST DROPPED" and as shes running/chasing the phone and is bending over being careful not to fall flat on her face she looks up and says "NAWW!" WTF right ahhaha
I believe we reach haste and college and I see a cop car, it approaches me and I TRY TO ACT AS SOBER AS POSSIBLE... he rolls down his window and asks me if i have seen this BUM BIG GUY SITUATION THING... and im like sure over there and as i point in the direction he should be going... KOREAN LADY is diggin in her pocket... DRUNK... WOBBLING.. then all of sudden she drops her purse and EVERYTHING and I MEAN EVERYTHING FALLS OUT... I MEAN EVERYTHING (IF U KNOW THIS PERSON... uve seen that BIG ASS yellow bag... FULL OF EVERYTHING!) hahahah she gives it a confused look, and slowly, very slowly begins to bendover and pick up her stuff...right there on college and haste.. while I am talking to the LAW! and i think to myself "PONY... shit is about to go down" but no not really he says good night and leaves... anyways we continue to walk back to college and channing, yet right as we do all of sudden i see a something flash by a bush next to unit 2 and im like i think that ur celly and IT WAS...
anywho we walk back home... make it there safe ( DONT REALLY RECALL THE REST OF THE WALK ALL I KNOW IS SOMEWHERE DOWN THE ROAD I LOST ANOTHER EGG THANKS TO KOREAN LADY...) then when we got home Koo-lio says we tried making the 2 leftover eggs and we fried like 10 tortillas... but eh it was fun... one of the funnest nights i have had in berkeley... muahahha
Sunday, January 31, 2010
EL Fork
To start it off... back in the day WAY BACK WAAAYY BACk.. freshman year I remember my buddy and I, lets call him EL NEGRO had a couple of drinks at a well know and respected (at least in those days) fraternity... I, being the responsible one (muahaha) tell EL NEGRO that it is time to go home... (NOT GONNA LIE I was a little under the influence and this story might be a little different than others might remember BUT HEY ITS MY BLOG) :) WE get to our dwelling, which freshman year was GRIFFITHS SECOND FLOOR (WOOHH WOOHHTT WOOHTT!!) break into our good friends room, THIS WAS THE SPOT!.. the room belonged to Mr. Swayze and Koo-lio...
We bust into the room (dont remember who was in there) but I do remember a little KOREAN GIRL in Koo-lio's bed... Both Swayze and Koo-lio look at us and realize we might had had maybe 2 or 3 drinks... BUT Wait... too prop the door open (imma start calling them S and K because spelling the name is getting really annoying) S and K used a DC fork... all of a sudden I see EL NEGRO get a smile in his face (To which I realize he has an idea.. which consist of him steppin on the fork to try to make it fly) I... being the good person realize this but before I can try to stop it EL NEGRO.. BAM... Stomps on the floor, because he had 1 toooo many martinys misses and starts to laugh... I am relieved and dont say anything but then BAMM!!! EL NEGRO tries again and this time hits the fork right on the head and sends that SHIT FLYING... (THIS point ur thinking to youself... eh nothing happens, fork must have just jumped in the air flipped a couple of times and landed again... NAWW MAN UR WRONG!) FORK went as bay area people would say “HELLA/HECKA” crazy... shit went in the air hit the wall,, Swayze hit the floor Koo-lio busted some Liu Kang shit and dodged the fork... then the fork hit the bed and almost Popped out the little KOREAN GIRLs eye out... To our surprise it did not do such a thing BUT IT ALMOST DID... then the Korean girl opened her eyes said go away and went back to sleep... because EL NEGRO almost had killed her we listened to her and left :)
all I have to say is “GOOD TIMES” hahahahah
Maldito Licor
O alcohol.... MY best friend … my worst enemy... yea I know you are ALL shocked to discover that I, Mr. Pony, drink... :( pues, the answer is SI :(. unfortunately I have fallen trapped to this amazing, awesome, fascinating, incredible, marvelous, shocking, prodigious, stunning, wonderful and unbelievable little liquid that makes Men's confidence triple and women's “good looks” quadruple hahahha (JK all women are beautiful... alcohol helps find this beauty, once again JK)
anywho... if your asking yourself “why does thou drink... the answer is … Y not!!!” something always fun seems to happen when there is this liquid involved.... (most of the time its BAD stuff, but u cant get caught up on that stuff muahahaha)
So.. because I usually drink thursdays, fridays, and saturdays...(YEA YEA I KNOW DONT LOOK AT ME THAT WAY) ive decided to write about the fun stuff that happens lol
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Dreams of Fucking a Handicapped Bitch!!!! - Bizarre in Nasty Mind
Ever had a dream of fucking a handicapped bitch?!?!!? I can honestly say that I HAVE NOT!!! :)
However, I thought this would be an appropriate tittle for this post. Muahaha!
Recently, I, DJ Pony have been suffering from crazy ass dreams. (and i assure you its does not have to do with handicap individuals) hehehe
But anywho, like i previously stated, my dreams went from running around in an open field with puurrrtttyyy ass Ponies and unicorns with amazing backgrounds of rainbows and leprecons to really twisted, dark dreams centering around death, alcohol, drugs and women..."TAN TAN TAAANNN!!!!
Last night, as i laid down to bed I said to myself (usually do it every night) "See you in the morning gorgeous", then closed my eyes and as MR. HOMER himself stated in the Iliad, "darkness filled his eyes" and i slowly entered dreamland.
As far as i can remember, the dream began at around 11pm at a bar resembling Kips. You might be saying to yourself, "DAMN Pony, you dream about drinking at a bar"... and well the answer is YES :)
As i made my way into the bar, i looked around to see if i would recognize anybody in there. Guess what, I did, YOU where there and YOU where there and YOU where there... ( i wont mention any names cuz 1) if i do YOU might be like "WHY THE HELL IS DJ PONY DREAMING ABOUT ME" and 2) if I forget to mention YOU, YOU might be like "DJ PONY IS AN ASSHOLE, HOW COME HE DOESNT INCLUDE ME IN HIS DREAM" so yea O_0 hahaha)
ANYwho... i walked to the table which included about 20 people i knew, said "hola" and sat down next to this girl. She gave me a smile and said "Ponyman, you want a drank" and i say "fo shizzle". She pours me a pint of beer and I notice she has some small little red marks (like pimples) under her eyes. Im like eh watever she still puuuurrtty. However, as i continue drinking (and sometimes talking to her) i notice that those little red marks are getting bigger and bigger and BIGGER!!!! At this point... im thinking to myself "Pony, WAT THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT ON HER MASKARA"... weird part was nobody in the table seemed to notice... so I act normal and continue to drink. Yet, as the beers begin to add up, i look at her and all that SHIT in her face has taken over all of her face and its even stretching her skin all the way to the floor. I FEEL MY SOUL JUMP OUT OF MY BOTAS and i run out of the bar...
BAM!!!!!! The dream then takes me back to my apartment, in the shower. Still alittle weirded out of the bar thang, I tell my self "PONY, chillax its all good" but then i notice something. Im looking down at the tub and i notice its see through. AND THE CRAZY PART IS... theres a submarine under me and I can see a women telling me to move because "SHIT IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN"... at this point im like "WAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON" so i jump out of the tub
and all of a sudden the submarine pops up from underneath the tub destroying everything... I panic and run to my roommates room to see if he heard anything... (this point you are like "MR. Pony, was thou still naked... and to be honest kids I HAVE NO IDEA... I WILL SAY YES I MEAN WHY NOT ITS MY DREAM... RIGHT!!!) :)
Once inside my roommates room I don't see anybody, so i run back to the restroom and see my landlord EDUARDO fixing the tub, he turns around and says "DONT TRIP CHOCOLATE CHIP, I GOTZ THIS"
Then GUESS WAT HAPPEND... I WOKE UP because it was 730 and i needed to go to work :(
so yea SHIT was Crazy... :)
DJ Pony's Obsticles
On Monday, January 25 I woke up at around 8:30am to get to work at my CAD job down on Shattuck and Center Street. Like a usual day in the office I walked in said hola to my boss and went to my computer station to continue work on drawings of the Doe Library.
At about noon i felt a little rumble in my tummy and though to myself "PONY Does thou need to use the restroom" and I answered "SI" so i got up, grabbed my keycard (for some reason every door needs to be opened with this) and slowly made my way to the restroom.
The restroom at work is a small maybe 15X15 room which includes a stall and a urinal. Being a Pony I had to take a SHIT thus as you would have guessed I went into the stall. I walked in checked the toilet (IDK WHY but i did... never know if it might be broken or duurrrrtttyy... you dont want to take a number 2 in a durrrttty toilet) saw that everything was fine turned around and locked to stall door.
I noticed that the lock on the door was a little loose, it would make a full turn before it would lock... yet nature had taken its course and I needed to take a seat.
(10 minutes later) I finish doing my thing... I walk to the stall door and tried to get out..
NOOOO!!!! to my surprise the damn lock was jammed and although it would turn it would not release the lock... i thought to myself "DJ PONY WAT THE HELL ARE YOU GONNA DO" ... I did not know... I was scared but most importantly... I was trapped... I felt... well i felt like a Pony trapped in a stall (muahahah).
So with my tail between my legs i did the only reasonable thing I could think of... I crawled out as fast as possible so no one would open the door as i did this.
Washed my hands in the sink looked in the mirror and said "PONY... Your good" laughed and went back to my computer station.
The only thing i could think about was of the next guy who has to use the stall and the surprised/confused look on his face when he tries hour after hour to open the door... and it never WILL!!!!
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
My first post!
So I have finally decided to create a blog... not sure why but I did... BAM!!!!! muahahaha :D
Now one of my favorite songs...
NORTEC COLLECTIVE (BOSTICH-FUSSIBLE)
TIJUANA SOUND MACHINE
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